In Loving Memory
by MugglesUnite
Summary: Rabastan Lestrange attends the funeral of his beloved Mary MacDonald. One-shot.


"Nobody knew Mary as well as I did."

Lily Potter's cracking voice echoes through the small church. I bite down on my tongue to keep myself from yelling out that the red-head was wrong. I don't want to draw attention to myself. There are bitter, heartbroken Aurors all around that could take me out in an instance if I'm not careful.

"She wasn't just my best friend, she was like a sister." Lily goes on, wiping the tears away from her face with the back of her hand. "She was always there for me and always knew the right thing to say. I wouldn't be the person I am today without her—" She stops abruptly as tears spill from her eyes. She excuses herself and walks down to the front pew where her boyfriend, James Potter, is waiting with open arms. I watch her collapse into him, her face buried into his neck as the sound of muffled cries fill the room.

Not able to take it in anymore, I sigh pull the small flask from the inside of my suit jacket. Flipping the top over, I take a drink, practically emptying the container of firewhiskey in one gulp. I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and tuck the flask back away in the pocket inside my jacket.

"Thank you all for coming." This voice is much deeper and manly than Lily's. I look up and see Mary's father—a tall, broad-shouldered man with dark brown hair likes Mary's—standing on the stage with a solemn look on his face. "My family and I appreciate your presence. If you will please, we would now like to take say our goodbyes to Mary privately." He says before walking back to the first pew and wrapping his arms around his sobbing wife.

I don't waste any time after that. I head straight for the door. The longer I stay, the better chance I get of being seen by someone.

Shoving past people as I keep my head down, I make it through the door and step outside, immediately making my way to the back of the church. Instead of apparting away though, I sit down, my back against the brick building. I pull out the flask in my jacket again and finish it off, tossing it on the ground once I'm finished.

As I sit there alone, my mind drifts to one of the last nights I spent alone with Mary MacDonald.

* * *

_"Rab, come on!" She says to me with a devious smirk playing on her lips._

_"I don't dance." I say simply, taking another sip from the glass of firewhiskey in my hand._

_She frowns, pushing her bottom lip out. "Please, Rabby," She says in a soft voice as she sways her hips to the music floating through my dimly lit flat. _

_I must admit, her offer is very tempting but I won't give in so easily. I shake my head as I lean back against the leather couch, resting my arms behind my head._

_She sighs and tip-toes over to me. She climbs onto the couch slowly and makes her way onto my lap. Slowly, she wraps her arms around my neck and leans in as though she is about to kiss me._

_I move my head forward to meet her's, but I stop when I feel her finger on my lips. She raises her eyebrow and shakes her head. "Only if you dance with me..." She says seductively. _

_I sigh and look into her beautiful brown eyes. I know she isn't bluffing so I give in. "Fine. One dance."_

_She smiles happily and jumps off of me, grabbing my hands in the process. I get up walk to the center of the room and place my hands on her hips. Her arms wrap around my neck and her forehead rests on my shoulder as we sway back and forth to the slow music. We don't say anything for a while, we just dance. I spin her around under my arm a couple times, the light from the fireplace giving the room an orange glow._

_Finally, she looks up into my eyes and breaks the silence, "Do you love me?"_

_I pause, my hands still on her hips. Her expression is serious and I know she wants an answer. "Yes." _

_She considers this for a moment. "Are you scared?"_

_"Yes." I say again, my eyes locked on hers._

_She rubs her thumb against my cheek softly. "What are you scared of?"_

_"Losing you." I say honestly, my gaze not wavering._

_She smiles and stands onto her tip-toes to press her soft, pink lips to mine. For a long time, we stand their kissing each other. It wasn't a rough, passionate kiss, but a soft, tender one. It lasts until she pulls away and falls back down onto the balls of her feet. _

_"If it came down to me or Him, who would you chose?"_

_I know who she's referring to. Automatically, my instinct is to say it will always be her, but I a part of me knows that it may not be a full truth. As much as I loved her and cared for her, He would always have a power over me. "You." I tell her, not knowing if that is the truth or not._

_"How can you be so sure?"_

_I tuck a piece of hair behind her ear, my fingers caressing her cheek. "Because I love you."_

_She sighs and pulls away from me. Without a word she walks towards the couch and sits down, pulling her knees to her chest. I watch her for a moment before joining her, my arm instinctively wrapping around her shoulders, pulling her body into my side as she rests her head against my chest. _

_"He's winning the war, Rab." She says quietly. "You of all people know that."_

_I run my fingers through her hair. "I know."_

_"They won't hesitate in killing me if they get the chance." She says, referring to the other Death Eaters. _

_"I know." I repeat in a somber tone._

_"You won't always be there to protect me."_

_"Why are you saying these things?" I ask her, furrowing my brow._

_"Because it's the truth, Rab."_

_"I know it is, okay? I wish it wasn't but it is!" I say, my tone more forceful than before as I stare at the fire._

_She flinches at my sudden outburst, but recovers quickly. Instead of countering back with a statement just as feisty as mine like she normally would, she grabs my chin. "Look at me, Rabastan." __I fight her fingers, keeping her head facing the orange flames dancing around. __"Look at me..." She repeats, her voice just above a whisper._

_I reluctantly turn my head and look into her eyes. They are beautiful and comforting. _

_"I love you, no matter what happens at the end of all of this, okay?"_

_I swallow the lump in my throat. "I love you too."_

_"Good. Now let's go to bed." She says with a smile as she jumps into my lap, her arms securing around my neck. _

_I smile and slide my arms under her, picking her up as I stand. I plant a small kiss on her temple before walking towards the bedroom._

* * *

"You. What are you doing here?"

The angry voice brings me back into reality and I look up, only to find James Potter standing in front of me, his wand pointing at my chest.

Instinctively I reach to grab my wand, but as soon as my hand clasps around it, Potter yells out a spell and it flies out of my hand.

"Expelliarmus!"

My eyes grow bigger and stand quickly to my feet, holding up my hands in retreat.

"Now, I'm going to ask you again, Lestrange." Potter says through gritted teeth. "What the hell are you doing here?"

I stay quiet, unsure of what to say. "I was...I was just paying my respects." I stammer out.

He scoffs. "I ought to blow you to pieces for being here right now."

"I don't want any trouble, Potter." I tell him.

He narrows his eyes at me. "The moment she died you got it!" He says in a nasty voice.

My heart breaks again, right then in there, and he can tell.

"You were there, weren't you?" He says, his voice low and icy.

I look him straight in the eye, but do or say nothing to respond to his question.

"You were there. You were there as they tortured her and you watched the life leave her eyes!" He yells, raising his wand towards my face.

I stay utterly and completely still.

"Damn you! Damn all of you!" His voice is rising with every word. "I should kill you right here and now!"

Although I don't say it, I agree with him. I deserve to die. I should have been the one that was tortured and murdered, not her. I should have been there to protect her, to keep her safe, but I wasn't and now she was dead.

I look over Potter's face. He looks ready to kill me, but before he gets the chance, a familiar voice calls out his name.

"James? Are you over here?"

I see him look over that way and seize the moment. In one quick moment, I grab my wand off of the ground and apparate with a pop, leaving James and Lily behind.

* * *

I don't apparate far, but enough to where the young couple can't see me. As I stand at the top of a grassy hill, I hide my body behind a large willow tree that looks much like the Whomping Willow at Hogwarts.

I watch the dark-haired Auror and his red-headed girlfriend from a distance. I see him look back and forth between her and the place I was once standing. She asks him something, but he shakes his head and walks towards her, enfolding her in a hug. They stay like that for a few minutes before she finally pulls away and plants a kiss on his lips. Then, hand-in-hand, the walk back towards the front of the church. I keep my eye in that direction until they are completely out of sight.

When they are gone, I turn and sink to the ground, my back leaning up against the trunk of the old tree. As I sit there, I think about Mary and what could have been if she were still alive today. Would I have eventually stood up to Lord Voldemort? Would I have switched sides in the war because of her and end up fighting against what I was taught as a young boy? Would I have married Mary MacDonald at the end of all of this madness? Would we have had children that would eventually grow up to go to Hogwarts and do amazing things with their lives? Would we have grown old together and loved each other the same in our nineties as we had in our twenties?

As I think about all of these questions, a single tear drop falls down my cheek because I will never know the answers to these questions.

All I know is that Mary MacDonald is dead and now I am nothing.

Absolutely nothing.


End file.
